Island Tour Part II

We are coming back, and soon ... (military protective orders can't last forever)

New Blog ...

For those of you who found it difficult to make it to end of that final Guam Adventures blog because I apparently "go on forever", I am keeping a new blog called Musings of a B-52 Navigator. Hope to see you there ...

Facts, figures, established traditions, lessons learned, and other assorted thoughts on life (in no particular order) ...

To be clear, this deployment, from deployment standards, has been pretty easy when compared to the locations and lengths of time some of my counterparts are finding themselves in. So any complaining I might do needs to be taken with a grain of salt. Lets get started ...

1. Nickelback is the official Crew 4 band (I hate Nickelback).
2. Crazy Bitch by Buck Cherry, is the official Crew 4 song.
3. Tradition: Crew 4 Dinner at random restaurant every Sunday night.
4. I officially became a "Captain Select", 1 out of 4032 selected of a possible 4060 ... it was a close one.
5. Tradition: Burger King (or Subway or any other food establishment that is not the Andersen Chow Hall) for the first meal of the weekend ... and sometimes the second and third too.
6. Always have some sort of back up for any important information you may be carrying cause you never know when your computer might die on you.
7. I gained my freshman 15 while on Guam. Wasn't sure it was possible but I stand corrected.
8. The separation helps you to see what is really important in this life.
9. There is nothing more important in this world than keeping those you love (family, friends, dogs) as close to you as possible for as long as possible.
10. I don't know what causes the attraction between two people and I am not sure that I understand what it means to need another human being but, no matter where or how far it needs to travel, that need will find you. And most of the time it will catch you with your pants down, a tissue hanging out of your nose, making some sort of ridiculous face and you will spend the next 5 to 6 months just trying to get over the embarrassment of that one moment.
11. In the whole of the Air Force, there are no better bunch of dudes to possibly head to war with than those in the 23rd EBS. BUT, hopefully that will never happen.
12. I am far too dependent upon my computer.
13. Finally finding the strength to walk away and retain as much of your dignity as possible is always worth it.
14. I own too many green t-shirts.
15. I love fruit punch BUT not Chammorro fruit punch (its terrible).
16. Tradition: Stop at a stop sign. Before rolling forward say "One for Bluto" then continue on. Unless of course you are at the actual stop sign, then you would say "One for Bluto, Two for Bluto" and continue on. Refer all questions to Bluto.
17. Eggs and bacon for breakfast is where it is at.
18. Eggs and bacon every morning will put your cholesterol through the roof.
19. I love Hash Running.
20. There is a certain amount of joy that comes from being able to leave work, climb into your own truck, drive to your own home and sit there alone in silence.
21. Its never too late to turn things around. Read into that as much as you want.
22. Scrubs, the TV show, can save your sanity in a less than desirable situation.
23. The Nissan Quest is by far the shittiest and most illogically designed minivan in existence.
24. No Thai food prior to a flight.
25. Crew 4 Mascot is the "Good Health" mascot of Crew 4, not the good luck mascot.
26. Tradition: Must scroll through channels 74, 75, and 76 (the squiggly porn channels ... they are never unsquiggly) before we ever watch a movie. After 5 months, still not really sure why.
27. Tradition: To call something we never do but sounds cool a tradition.
28. How many hits to the pavement does it take to get to the center of a coconut? 5 to 6 ... its Science.
29. "Any press is good press" per Salty referring to my drunken fascination with the General. This does not mean to apply and kind of direct pressure to the General.
30. At the 5 dollar barbecue stand, you can get as much pansit as you want and 2 giant things of rat on a stick (actually chicken). Its awesome and we went often.
31. The Boonie Dog situation here on Guam is terrible and has made our visit (for me at least) a lot less enjoyable. Here is a link to a description of the Boonie Dog. While this description may sound humorous at first, I can guarantee you it is quite accurate. It pisses me off that nothing significant seems to have been done on this island for these animals. Like everything else on this island, however, I shouldn't be too surprised at the level of neglect shown. I may have to start my own Boonie Dog Rescue Foundation or something because after 5 months here and a thorough search of the Internet I haven't found a whole lot. Thats not to say I've found nothing. Here is a link to a Guam Animals in Need (GAIN). One of the functions of the foundation is the neutering of Boonie Dogs. You can make donations on the website to aid their efforts. You can even adopt your very own Boonie Dog. I'll get off my soapbox now.
32. I feel its necessary to include "Lessons Learned from the Berserk Hash" from a couple of blogs ago:

• When Axl Rose sings the words "welcome to the jungle baby, you gonna die" and you don't heed his warning, you are an idiot.
• Don't participate in a berserk hash set by a guy named Berserk.
• No Bon Jovi prior to hash (I'll take that spear ... I do like the Bon Jovi).
• New trail set on top of old trail is bad.
• Don't listen to anyone on the hash cause they either intentionally (Bambi) or otherwise (Amelia Air Fart) will fuck you.
• "Flying" with no concept of direction is bad.
• Going in circles gets you nowhere ... fast (and means there probably will be less light to finish the hash).
• Sometimes its better to be lucky than good (Mother and Powder).
• Sometimes its better to give up and proceed to the "On Home" than get further than everyone else and still not finish the hash (Mother and Powder).
• Don't listen to the guy who's obviously lost his mind, taking you in the complete wrong direction, and is intent on seeing the mountain (later deemed Mount Dick) way over yonder.

And that concludes the Guam Adventures Blog for this deployment. Guam Adventures will continue to be available for viewing and will probably be reborn this time next year when we are supposed to come back. Much has to be done, so we will see. For now though, my blogging will continue at the site Musings of a B-52 Navigator. Less than 24 hours and a wake up ...

The Great Golf Cart Accident of 07 ...

I know what you're thinking, "Its only been a little over a week, what the hell is this update business?" Well I decided with the few chances I still have to update the Guam Adventures blog, I should take advantage of my opportunities now. That's not to say my days of blogging are coming to an end as my days of deployment wind down. I have decided to start a new blog once we get home called Musings of a B-52 Navigator. This whole blogging thing can be a little addicting.

So lets see ...

Crew 4 flew in its entirety for the first time in 2 months. This was a good thing because it brought crew 4 Karma back to equilibrium. We also got to drop a JDAM (Joint Direct Attack Munition) off the wing onto Farallon Island. It was my first time getting to drop a JDAM. We had a little message for the inhabitants ...

The flight was awesome which was good cause Crew 4 has been the object of unwanted attention as of late. Here are a few more pictures from some of our flying related activities ...

As advertised above, Crew 4 decided it was time for another house party. It wasn't quite the rousing success the original Crew 4 House Party was. To start off with, Party Boy and Juggs had invested quite a bit of time brewing Crew 4 beer using a bunch of beer making materials Party Boy's wife had sent. Unfortunately Crew 4 beer came out completely flat, and not just one of the mini kegs, but all 4. We decided it could still be salvaged by turning it into Crew 4 bratwurst cooking beer. The rain really didn't help at all either. A couple of pictures from the party ...

Let me know if you find that second picture of Bluto at all creepy, I know I do.

So that was Friday. Unfortunately there would be no hashing this passed Saturday. And I think I can speak for all of us when I say we did miss it. Especially when I spoke to another hasher who works at the gym here on base and she told me it was the best hash she had ever been too. Girls lie though so can I really trust her? Rhetorical question ... Its not like we didn't do anything! Hoobastank played at the local university here on Guam and we had tickets. The show started at 7 PM so we decided we would start tailgating around 2 PM ...

What I didn't know was Party Boy and Bluto had gone out and bought 4 cases of Corona ... FOR THE 4 OF US!!! Granted a bunch of other people showed up but that wasn't till around 730 PM. This directly led to "The Great Golf Cart Accident of 07" which you'll see a short movie clip on shortly. Anyway, so we went and saw Hoobastank play and while I will never be a huge fan, they did put on a good show. A few pictures from the rest of that night ...

So that brings us to "The Great Golf Cart Accident of 07". For those of you that know me you know my history with golf carts is shaky. In two separate incidences prior to this at least two individuals (you know who you are) have nearly lost their lives while I've been at the wheel and all three of which alcohol was involved. Its not important how this video was captured so don't ask. I hope we can all learn a valuable lesson from this ...

And now with less than two weeks left in Guam I will leave you with a couple of pictures sent to me from my parents in Oklahoma. In the second picture Tuff looks like the badass I predicted he would become. I can't wait to get home ...

Home Stretch ...

Hello and welcome to the year 2007! And while I am at it, a belated Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to everyone. Its been a little over a month since my last visit but I am glad to say that we are now less than a month away from coming home! Between the horrendous food at the chow hall (which we are making every effort to avoid and will more than likely lead us to the poor house) and the homoerotic humor which has completely taken over (Meat predicted it would happen), it is definitely time.

So you may be wondering where we have been and what we have been doing in our absence ...

Well, I spoke with our new Wing Commander again. I refer you to "The Hardship Deployment (cont)" blog if you are unsure of what I am talking about. I'll set the scene for you ... O'Club, alcohol, wine tasting ... okay, I admit it, there is no scene to set, I really don't need a good reason to make an ass of myself. Anyway, so I am pretty far gone this particular night when I notice the general has come to the wine tasting. Instantly I knew he wanted to have another conversation with me so I unnecessarily reintroduced myself. At some point I noticed his hat on the floor behind a table. So what I thought sounded like me trying to give some friendly advice came off more like I was threatening to steal his hat. Fast forward a week to our Friday Baron Fly. The general was there and it began with a small presentation where I was made to go stand with my face in a corner. I was served with a Military Protective Order, important portions have been highlighted for you ...

In the end the whole thing is pretty funny and the general jokes about it whenever he sees me, at my expense of course. He's earned it, he's the general.

We flew a bunch and even got to drop bombs on Farallon Island ...

Seth unfortunately is still broken so Pappy filled in for him. It appears, though, that we will have our Crew 4 EW back for next week's sortie.

Ahhh, Christmas ... there is nothing like a traditional Christmas spent with family and friends, decorating the house, drinking eggnog (I don't actually like eggnog but I hear some people do), door to door Christmas carolling, and watching a Christmas Story for the 35th time in a 24 hour period on the 5th station you found it on ... good times. Unfortunately we are in Guam for the holidays so none of those things were true. Crew 4 decided instead to sucker punch the Christmas spirit ...

We went and saw Black Christmas and planned a big Christmas dinner at Ramen Corporate Headquarters. While at the movies, we ate some nachos ... okay all the nachos and had no desire to eat anything else, ever when the terrible movie finally ended. So then we went home and watched Hostel (which gave me nightmares by the way), very scary ... and then we went to bed. Merry Christmas everyone ...


If you are wondering, the answer is no, that is not a lazy shocker we are giving the camera, its the Crew 4 gang sign.

A few of us have made it a point to attend the Hash every Saturday since that first one in November. It has really helped to make the time here pass by quicker. We've even gone on two of the Berserk Hashes which are basically longer and much more difficult versions of the Agana Hash. Here are a few pictures from the last few ...

Lessons Learned from this Passed Berserk Hash:

1. When Axl Rose sings the words "welcome to the jungle, you gonna die" and you don't heed his warning, you are an idiot
2. Don't participate in a berserk hash set by a guy named Berserk
3. No Bon Jovi prior to hash (I'll take that spear ... I do like the Bon Jovi)
4. New trail set on top of old trail is bad
5. Don't listen to anyone on the hash cause they either intentionally (Bambi) or otherwise (Amelia Air Fart) will fuck you
6. "Flying" with no concept of direction is bad
7. Going in circles gets you nowhere ... fast (and means there probably will be less light to finish the hash)
8. Sometimes its better to be lucky than good (Mother and Powder)
9. Sometimes its better to give up and proceed to the "On Home" than get further than everyone else and still not finish the hash (Mother and Powder)
10. Don't listen to the guy who's obviously lost his mind, taking you in the complete wrong direction, and is intent on seeing the mountain (later deemed Mount Dick) way over yonder.

And last but not least New Years. Crew 4, along with a bunch of other people from the squadron, decided it would be good to go to this New Years party they were having at the Marriot Hotel for only $35. As it turns out, we paid the money for appetizers. If my drinks had been included, I don't think I'd complain. Mother and I decided to leave with the original intention of cruising (on foot) around the main drag through Guam till sun up. Instead we went upstairs and found another party on a balcony. Not that much better but we hung out there anyway. Nadz, Plink0, and Powder eventually showed up and we drank free champagne and watched the New Years fireworks from this balcony. Plink0, Nadz, and myself then danced away the rest of the night to the live band that was there. It was actually one of the most fun nights we've had in awhile ...

Okay, so that catches you up with everything for the last month or so. I did want to apologize over how long it has been since the last update. I've been agonizing over this particular blog for sometime. Anyway, now it is time to go to the hash and in case you were not aware, the hash waits for no man ...

Ode to the Hash ...

So here we are, Thanksgiving is over, Christmas just around the corner, New Years right behind BUT WE GOT A HASH RUN EVERY SATURDAY TO LOOK FORWARD TO, WHOOOHOOO!! I'll get to that in a minute. So lets see, whats the happy happs since my last entry ... yes, my computer is up and working again. Still trying to piece together some of my accounts and everything for bill paying, and I lost a lot of money in the music I had downloaded to the computer but overall I think we've made a fairly good recovery.

All right, I'll provide a quick explanation on something because it is bound to come out at one point or another, plus, looking back on it, its sort of funny. This past week we had a call sign party. We had an alcoholic grog and the grog nasty, both of which Crew 4 was in charge of. The grog nasty was a Crew 4 speciality and while I would like to tell you the ingredients, I can't. It happens to be a crew secret ... We had drinking, we had stories, we had drinking stories (10% truth at a minimum). As expected there was a reattack on my call sign. I now go by the name MONA (Munched On by Naked Asshole). Before we go into the why, perhaps we should discuss the how. Its simple really ... alcohol + no real imagination = drunken buffoonery. Now for the why ... We made a trip to a strip club where I literally was beaten within an inch of my life by a amazonian stripper named Mona ... She smelled of dorito's and cigarettes. And yes, she bit me. I am still receiving rabies shots to this day. To round us out, we have Party Boy, Travis took the name Juggs, Bluto, Mona, and Seth was renamed Chubbs ...

More on Chubbs. He, unfortunately, broke his hand at our last flag football game. I know what you are thinking, its flag football. We play rough, what can I say. All this after kicking a 53 yard field goal the game prior. Its not good Juju for Crew 4.

And now for a story. About a week ago, Chubbs and I were sitting at the chow hall eating lunch. He was about to head out to the orthopedist to have his hand checked out and gave me the keys to the van. I figured I'd grab the van and go back to the house for a few minutes before heading back into work. I hopped into the van, put the keys in and ... click click click ... the battery was dead. For some reason I was not at all phased by this development. I walked home and sat down to watch a little of whatever football game happened to be on at the time. Party Boy eventually showed up with the SOF truck, thank God. "Now I don't have to find another ride into work," I thought. We left Casa de tree Trees, stopped by an ATM for a sec and then decided we'd go by the wives store. They had just gotten a recent shipment and it was on the way back to work, great idea. We got out but unfortunately the wives store was closed. "Oh well," I thought, "We'll come back tomorrow." We hopped back into the truck, put the keys in the ignition and ... click click click ... the battery was dead. What a weird coincidence. We walked the rest of the way back to work and let Remo know about the 2 vehicles. He's in charge of the rentals. So he took our keys, grabbed the keys to one of the other vans, and headed out to go fix the car rental problems of the universe. He hopped into his van, put the keys into the ignition and ... click click click ... the battery was dead. I love this place.

So I have developed a bit of a problem while I've been here in Guam. I've always had a CD buying addiction. While here, I've been buying a great deal of music through iTunes. Its SO easy! This was something I could accept because again, I've always had a problem. What I didn't know till last night was I can buy movies through iTunes as well, the bastards! So I bought my first movie last night. It was a 15 minute short called Denial. It was good and only $1.99 so really how can you beat it. Afterwards I bought Bubble Boy which I have always thought was a pretty funny movie. Then I made myself stop. This is not a good thing.

Moving along, so Party Boy, Mother, Miyagi, Plinko and myself decided to check out this thing called hash running a week ago. They have a club here on Guam, it involves some running or something and you drink beer, how bad could it be? IT WAS THE GREATEST THING EVER!! 3 hours of running around in the jungles of Guam with 30 some odd other crazy people, all trying to find our way to the beer. It ended with a bonfire on the beach and then an after party at this bar called Sassy's. The crazy lady in the middle was our bartender ... We went again this passed Saturday and again, the greatest thing ever. I wanted to take a few more pictures but it was way too wet. Here is one at the start of the run ... one of Plinko on top of a hill about 3/4 the way to the end ... and finally one of myself on the same hill looking pretty good if I do say so myself ... It was awesome, I have nothing else to say about it. If you would like to learn more about hashing here are a couple of links, first to the Agana Hash House Harriers here in Guam and second just some general information about what Hashing is all about.

One last thing before I end this. Brand New just put out a new record, The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me and I think everyone should buy it! Do it, do it now. Here is a link to their Purevolume site. The first two songs are off the new record.

That is it, finally, holy crap, I am spent ...

About the worst thing possible ...

Alright, I am gonna make this quick. My computer decided to shit itself about a week ago. I got it fixed but lost pretty much everything on it to include pictures, music, account numbers, passwords, and EMAIL ADDRESSES. So for those of you I used to send emails to saying "Hey, check the blog", you won't get anymore unless you somehow send me a message and let me know. Maybe you think thats a good thing, maybe I think you suck. Okay, thats a joke ... but really, maybe you do. As crappy as losing all that stuff is, now I get to find out who actually reads my blog. Don't let the "nonblog reader" be you, email me or leave a comment (to include an email address) while you still can. Here is a picture to express my current mood ... taken with my new camera (cause the old one died semi recently to0). May the spirit of Ron Burgundy be with you ...