Guam Adventures ...

Island Tour Part II

2007-09-24T13:27:00.000+10:00

We are coming back, and soon ... (military protective orders can't last forever)

New Blog ...

2007-02-16T08:10:00.000+10:00

For those of you who found it difficult to make it to end of that final Guam Adventures blog because I apparently "go on forever", I am keeping a new blog called Musings of a B-52 Navigator. Hope to see you there ...

Facts, figures, established traditions, lessons learned, and other assorted thoughts on life (in no particular order) ...

2007-01-28T15:08:00.000+10:00

To be clear, this deployment, from deployment standards, has been pretty easy when compared to the locations and lengths of time some of my counterparts are finding themselves in. So any complaining I might do needs to be taken with a grain of salt. Lets get started ...

Nickelback is the official Crew 4 band (I hate Nickelback).
Crazy Bitch by Buck Cherry, is the official Crew 4 song.
Tradition: Crew 4 Dinner at random restaurant every Sunday night.
I officially became a "Captain Select", 1 out of 4032 selected of a possible 4060 ... it was a close one.
Tradition: Burger King (or Subway or any other food establishment that is not the Andersen Chow Hall) for the first meal of the weekend ... and sometimes the second and third too.
Always have some sort of back up for any important information you may be carrying cause you never know when your computer might die on you.
I gained my freshman 15 while on Guam. Wasn't sure it was possible but I stand corrected.
The separation helps you to see what is really important in this life.
There is nothing more important in this world than keeping those you love (family, friends, dogs) as close to you as possible for as long as possible.
I don't know what causes the attraction between two people and I am not sure that I understand what it means to need another human being but, no matter where or how far it needs to travel, that need will find you. And most of the time it will catch you with your pants down, a tissue hanging out of your nose, making some sort of ridiculous face and you will spend the next 5 to 6 months just trying to get over the embarrassment of that one moment.
In the whole of the Air Force, there are no better bunch of dudes to possibly head to war with than those in the 23rd EBS. BUT, hopefully that will never happen.
I am far too dependent upon my computer.
Finally finding the strength to walk away and retain as much of your dignity as possible is always worth it.
I own too many green t-shirts.
I love fruit punch BUT not Chammorro fruit punch (its terrible).
Tradition: Stop at a stop sign. Before rolling forward say "One for Bluto" then continue on. Unless of course you are at the actual stop sign, then you would say "One for Bluto, Two for Bluto" and continue on. Refer all questions to Bluto.
Eggs and bacon for breakfast is where it is at.
Eggs and bacon every morning will put your cholesterol through the roof.
I love Hash Running.
There is a certain amount of joy that comes from being able to leave work, climb into your own truck, drive to your own home and sit there alone in silence.
Its never too late to turn things around. Read into that as much as you want.
Scrubs, the TV show, can save your sanity in a less than desirable situation.
The Nissan Quest is by far the shittiest and most illogically designed minivan in existence.
No Thai food prior to a flight.
Crew 4 Mascot is the "Good Health" mascot of Crew 4, not the good luck mascot.
Tradition: Must scroll through channels 74, 75, and 76 (the squiggly porn channels ... they are never unsquiggly) before we ever watch a movie. After 5 months, still not really sure why.
Tradition: To call something we never do but sounds cool a tradition.
How many hits to the pavement does it take to get to the center of a coconut? 5 to 6 ... its Science.
"Any press is good press" per Salty referring to my drunken fascination with the General. This does not mean to apply and kind of direct pressure to the General.
At the 5 dollar barbecue stand, you can get as much pansit as you want and 2 giant things of rat on a stick (actually chicken). Its awesome and we went often.
The Boonie Dog situation here on Guam is terrible and has made our visit (for me at least) a lot less enjoyable. Here is a link to a description of the Boonie Dog. While this description may sound humorous at first, I can guarantee you it is quite accurate. It pisses me off that nothing significant seems to have been done on this island for these animals. Like everything else on this island, however, I shouldn't be too surprised at the level of neglect shown. I may have to start my own Boonie Dog Rescue Foundation or something because after 5 months here and a thorough search of the Internet I haven't found a whole lot. Thats not to say I've found nothing. Here is a link to a Guam Animals in Need (GAIN). One of the functions of the foundation is the neutering of Boonie Dogs. You can make donations on the website to aid their efforts. You can even adopt your very own Boonie Dog. I'll get off my soapbox now.
I feel its necessary to include "Lessons Learned from the Berserk Hash" from a couple of blogs ago:

When Axl Rose sings the words "welcome to the jungle baby, you gonna die" and you don't heed his warning, you are an idiot.
Don't participate in a berserk hash set by a guy named Berserk.
No Bon Jovi prior to hash (I'll take that spear ... I do like the Bon Jovi).
New trail set on top of old trail is bad.
Don't listen to anyone on the hash cause they either intentionally (Bambi) or otherwise (Amelia Air Fart) will fuck you.
"Flying" with no concept of direction is bad.
Going in circles gets you nowhere ... fast (and means there probably will be less light to finish the hash).
Sometimes its better to be lucky than good (Mother and Powder).
Sometimes its better to give up and proceed to the "On Home" than get further than everyone else and still not finish the hash (Mother and Powder).
Don't listen to the guy who's obviously lost his mind, taking you in the complete wrong direction, and is intent on seeing the mountain (later deemed Mount Dick) way over yonder.

And that concludes the Guam Adventures Blog for this deployment. Guam Adventures will continue to be available for viewing and will probably be reborn this time next year when we are supposed to come back. Much has to be done, so we will see. For now though, my blogging will continue at the site Musings of a B-52 Navigator. Less than 24 hours and a wake up ...

The Great Golf Cart Accident of 07 ...

2007-01-15T21:27:00.000+10:00

I know what you're thinking, "Its only been a little over a week, what the hell is this update business?" Well I decided with the few chances I still have to update the Guam Adventures blog, I should take advantage of my opportunities now. That's not to say my days of blogging are coming to an end as my days of deployment wind down. I have decided to start a new blog once we get home called Musings of a B-52 Navigator. This whole blogging thing can be a little addicting.

So lets see ...

Crew 4 flew in its entirety for the first time in 2 months. This was a good thing because it brought crew 4 Karma back to equilibrium. We also got to drop a JDAM (Joint Direct Attack Munition) off the wing onto Farallon Island. It was my first time getting to drop a JDAM. We had a little message for the inhabitants ...

The flight was awesome which was good cause Crew 4 has been the object of unwanted attention as of late. Here are a few more pictures from some of our flying related activities ...

As advertised above, Crew 4 decided it was time for another house party. It wasn't quite the rousing success the original Crew 4 House Party was. To start off with, Party Boy and Juggs had invested quite a bit of time brewing Crew 4 beer using a bunch of beer making materials Party Boy's wife had sent. Unfortunately Crew 4 beer came out completely flat, and not just one of the mini kegs, but all 4. We decided it could still be salvaged by turning it into Crew 4 bratwurst cooking beer. The rain really didn't help at all either. A couple of pictures from the party ...

Let me know if you find that second picture of Bluto at all creepy, I know I do.

So that was Friday. Unfortunately there would be no hashing this passed Saturday. And I think I can speak for all of us when I say we did miss it. Especially when I spoke to another hasher who works at the gym here on base and she told me it was the best hash she had ever been too. Girls lie though so can I really trust her? Rhetorical question ... Its not like we didn't do anything! Hoobastank played at the local university here on Guam and we had tickets. The show started at 7 PM so we decided we would start tailgating around 2 PM ...

What I didn't know was Party Boy and Bluto had gone out and bought 4 cases of Corona ... FOR THE 4 OF US!!! Granted a bunch of other people showed up but that wasn't till around 730 PM. This directly led to "The Great Golf Cart Accident of 07" which you'll see a short movie clip on shortly. Anyway, so we went and saw Hoobastank play and while I will never be a huge fan, they did put on a good show. A few pictures from the rest of that night ...

So that brings us to "The Great Golf Cart Accident of 07". For those of you that know me you know my history with golf carts is shaky. In two separate incidences prior to this at least two individuals (you know who you are) have nearly lost their lives while I've been at the wheel and all three of which alcohol was involved. Its not important how this video was captured so don't ask. I hope we can all learn a valuable lesson from this ...

And now with less than two weeks left in Guam I will leave you with a couple of pictures sent to me from my parents in Oklahoma. In the second picture Tuff looks like the badass I predicted he would become. I can't wait to get home ...

Home Stretch ...

2007-01-01T19:04:00.000+10:00

Hello and welcome to the year 2007! And while I am at it, a belated Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to everyone. Its been a little over a month since my last visit but I am glad to say that we are now less than a month away from coming home! Between the horrendous food at the chow hall (which we are making every effort to avoid and will more than likely lead us to the poor house) and the homoerotic humor which has completely taken over (Meat predicted it would happen), it is definitely time.

So you may be wondering where we have been and what we have been doing in our absence ...

Well, I spoke with our new Wing Commander again. I refer you to "The Hardship Deployment (cont)" blog if you are unsure of what I am talking about. I'll set the scene for you ... O'Club, alcohol, wine tasting ... okay, I admit it, there is no scene to set, I really don't need a good reason to make an ass of myself. Anyway, so I am pretty far gone this particular night when I notice the general has come to the wine tasting. Instantly I knew he wanted to have another conversation with me so I unnecessarily reintroduced myself. At some point I noticed his hat on the floor behind a table. So what I thought sounded like me trying to give some friendly advice came off more like I was threatening to steal his hat. Fast forward a week to our Friday Baron Fly. The general was there and it began with a small presentation where I was made to go stand with my face in a corner. I was served with a Military Protective Order, important portions have been highlighted for you ...

In the end the whole thing is pretty funny and the general jokes about it whenever he sees me, at my expense of course. He's earned it, he's the general.

We flew a bunch and even got to drop bombs on Farallon Island ...

Seth unfortunately is still broken so Pappy filled in for him. It appears, though, that we will have our Crew 4 EW back for next week's sortie.

Ahhh, Christmas ... there is nothing like a traditional Christmas spent with family and friends, decorating the house, drinking eggnog (I don't actually like eggnog but I hear some people do), door to door Christmas carolling, and watching a Christmas Story for the 35th time in a 24 hour period on the 5th station you found it on ... good times. Unfortunately we are in Guam for the holidays so none of those things were true. Crew 4 decided instead to sucker punch the Christmas spirit ...

We went and saw Black Christmas and planned a big Christmas dinner at Ramen Corporate Headquarters. While at the movies, we ate some nachos ... okay all the nachos and had no desire to eat anything else, ever when the terrible movie finally ended. So then we went home and watched Hostel (which gave me nightmares by the way), very scary ... and then we went to bed. Merry Christmas everyone ...

If you are wondering, the answer is no, that is not a lazy shocker we are giving the camera, its the Crew 4 gang sign.

A few of us have made it a point to attend the Hash every Saturday since that first one in November. It has really helped to make the time here pass by quicker. We've even gone on two of the Berserk Hashes which are basically longer and much more difficult versions of the Agana Hash. Here are a few pictures from the last few ...

Lessons Learned from this Passed Berserk Hash:

When Axl Rose sings the words "welcome to the jungle, you gonna die" and you don't heed his warning, you are an idiot
Don't participate in a berserk hash set by a guy named Berserk
No Bon Jovi prior to hash (I'll take that spear ... I do like the Bon Jovi)
New trail set on top of old trail is bad
Don't listen to anyone on the hash cause they either intentionally (Bambi) or otherwise (Amelia Air Fart) will fuck you
"Flying" with no concept of direction is bad
Going in circles gets you nowhere ... fast (and means there probably will be less light to finish the hash)
Sometimes its better to be lucky than good (Mother and Powder)
Sometimes its better to give up and proceed to the "On Home" than get further than everyone else and still not finish the hash (Mother and Powder)
Don't listen to the guy who's obviously lost his mind, taking you in the complete wrong direction, and is intent on seeing the mountain (later deemed Mount Dick) way over yonder.

And last but not least New Years. Crew 4, along with a bunch of other people from the squadron, decided it would be good to go to this New Years party they were having at the Marriot Hotel for only $35. As it turns out, we paid the money for appetizers. If my drinks had been included, I don't think I'd complain. Mother and I decided to leave with the original intention of cruising (on foot) around the main drag through Guam till sun up. Instead we went upstairs and found another party on a balcony. Not that much better but we hung out there anyway. Nadz, Plink0, and Powder eventually showed up and we drank free champagne and watched the New Years fireworks from this balcony. Plink0, Nadz, and myself then danced away the rest of the night to the live band that was there. It was actually one of the most fun nights we've had in awhile ...

Okay, so that catches you up with everything for the last month or so. I did want to apologize over how long it has been since the last update. I've been agonizing over this particular blog for sometime. Anyway, now it is time to go to the hash and in case you were not aware, the hash waits for no man ...

Ode to the Hash ...

2006-11-19T21:02:00.000+10:00

So here we are, Thanksgiving is over, Christmas just around the corner, New Years right behind BUT WE GOT A HASH RUN EVERY SATURDAY TO LOOK FORWARD TO, WHOOOHOOO!! I'll get to that in a minute. So lets see, whats the happy happs since my last entry ... yes, my computer is up and working again. Still trying to piece together some of my accounts and everything for bill paying, and I lost a lot of money in the music I had downloaded to the computer but overall I think we've made a fairly good recovery.

All right, I'll provide a quick explanation on something because it is bound to come out at one point or another, plus, looking back on it, its sort of funny. This past week we had a call sign party. We had an alcoholic grog and the grog nasty, both of which Crew 4 was in charge of. The grog nasty was a Crew 4 speciality and while I would like to tell you the ingredients, I can't. It happens to be a crew secret ... We had drinking, we had stories, we had drinking stories (10% truth at a minimum). As expected there was a reattack on my call sign. I now go by the name MONA (Munched On by Naked Asshole). Before we go into the why, perhaps we should discuss the how. Its simple really ... alcohol + no real imagination = drunken buffoonery. Now for the why ... We made a trip to a strip club where I literally was beaten within an inch of my life by a amazonian stripper named Mona ... She smelled of dorito's and cigarettes. And yes, she bit me. I am still receiving rabies shots to this day. To round us out, we have Party Boy, Travis took the name Juggs, Bluto, Mona, and Seth was renamed Chubbs ...

More on Chubbs. He, unfortunately, broke his hand at our last flag football game. I know what you are thinking, its flag football. We play rough, what can I say. All this after kicking a 53 yard field goal the game prior. Its not good Juju for Crew 4.

And now for a story. About a week ago, Chubbs and I were sitting at the chow hall eating lunch. He was about to head out to the orthopedist to have his hand checked out and gave me the keys to the van. I figured I'd grab the van and go back to the house for a few minutes before heading back into work. I hopped into the van, put the keys in and ... click click click ... the battery was dead. For some reason I was not at all phased by this development. I walked home and sat down to watch a little of whatever football game happened to be on at the time. Party Boy eventually showed up with the SOF truck, thank God. "Now I don't have to find another ride into work," I thought. We left Casa de tree Trees, stopped by an ATM for a sec and then decided we'd go by the wives store. They had just gotten a recent shipment and it was on the way back to work, great idea. We got out but unfortunately the wives store was closed. "Oh well," I thought, "We'll come back tomorrow." We hopped back into the truck, put the keys in the ignition and ... click click click ... the battery was dead. What a weird coincidence. We walked the rest of the way back to work and let Remo know about the 2 vehicles. He's in charge of the rentals. So he took our keys, grabbed the keys to one of the other vans, and headed out to go fix the car rental problems of the universe. He hopped into his van, put the keys into the ignition and ... click click click ... the battery was dead. I love this place.

So I have developed a bit of a problem while I've been here in Guam. I've always had a CD buying addiction. While here, I've been buying a great deal of music through iTunes. Its SO easy! This was something I could accept because again, I've always had a problem. What I didn't know till last night was I can buy movies through iTunes as well, the bastards! So I bought my first movie last night. It was a 15 minute short called Denial. It was good and only $1.99 so really how can you beat it. Afterwards I bought Bubble Boy which I have always thought was a pretty funny movie. Then I made myself stop. This is not a good thing.

Moving along, so Party Boy, Mother, Miyagi, Plinko and myself decided to check out this thing called hash running a week ago. They have a club here on Guam, it involves some running or something and you drink beer, how bad could it be? IT WAS THE GREATEST THING EVER!! 3 hours of running around in the jungles of Guam with 30 some odd other crazy people, all trying to find our way to the beer. It ended with a bonfire on the beach and then an after party at this bar called Sassy's. The crazy lady in the middle was our bartender ... We went again this passed Saturday and again, the greatest thing ever. I wanted to take a few more pictures but it was way too wet. Here is one at the start of the run ... one of Plinko on top of a hill about 3/4 the way to the end ... and finally one of myself on the same hill looking pretty good if I do say so myself ... It was awesome, I have nothing else to say about it. If you would like to learn more about hashing here are a couple of links, first to the Agana Hash House Harriers here in Guam and second just some general information about what Hashing is all about.

One last thing before I end this. Brand New just put out a new record, The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me and I think everyone should buy it! Do it, do it now. Here is a link to their Purevolume site. The first two songs are off the new record.

That is it, finally, holy crap, I am spent ...

About the worst thing possible ...

2006-11-12T00:24:00.000+10:00

Alright, I am gonna make this quick. My computer decided to shit itself about a week ago. I got it fixed but lost pretty much everything on it to include pictures, music, account numbers, passwords, and EMAIL ADDRESSES. So for those of you I used to send emails to saying "Hey, check the blog", you won't get anymore unless you somehow send me a message and let me know. Maybe you think thats a good thing, maybe I think you suck. Okay, thats a joke ... but really, maybe you do. As crappy as losing all that stuff is, now I get to find out who actually reads my blog. Don't let the "nonblog reader" be you, email me or leave a comment (to include an email address) while you still can. Here is a picture to express my current mood ... taken with my new camera (cause the old one died semi recently to0). May the spirit of Ron Burgundy be with you ...

The Hardship Deployment (cont) ...

2006-10-28T21:06:00.000+10:00

So its been a few weeks since I've been here. I will attempt to catch y'all up on everything. We're gonna work from present to past instead of the usual past to present. Why you may ask? Well, here is the reason ... The Atlanta Falcons Cheerleaders decided to come and visit the 23EBS this weekend and get a quick tour of the B-52. Can you blame them really? And don't worry, Crew 4 Mascot was there. And yes that is me laying down in front of the rest of the group, seemed like a good idea at the time.

We also went and saw the movie Flags of Our Fathers. Prior to seeing the movie, if you had asked me how I thought I'd feel afterwards, I probably would have bet I'd assemble the rest of Crew 4 ... steal a B-52 loaded down with some of our nastiest weapons and fly towards some "random" country with nothing but the best intentions. This, however, was not the case. To be clear, Flags of Our Fathers was a pretty good movie, just not what was expected.

This past Friday we had our usual gathering at the O'CLub for Baron Fly. This gave me the opportunity to speak to our new wing commander who also happens to be a general and let him know that when he is ready to fly in the B-52, he needs to fly with Crew 4. You're probably thinking, "Wow, that sounds like a good idea!" Well after 5 or 6 Coronas (cause the general laid down the tab) it sounded like the greatest idea ever ... in my head.

As mentioned in the last "blog" entry Crew 4 Mascot was finally returned to Crew 4. I came home that Friday and found him like this ... With his return, Crew 4 flying operations were able to return to normal.

The 23EBS had a beach party which was pretty cool. Crew 4 Mascot drank too much as usual ... I am starting to think he might have a problem, he says I am projecting. We also had some guys doing their best Top Gun impersonations. Hey! Don't judge, a bunch of dudes stuck on an island together for 5 months (that reminds me) with nothing but other dudes, you get bored ...

Lets see, Crew 4 went to the Guam Chamber of Commerce Dinner downtown which was kind of a "hey, how ya doin" and "hey, thanks" kind of a dinner. I think I ate about 300 of these little strawberry/pudding/sugary cracker things. Another excellent opportunity to do a little drunken networking with the people of Guam and for Crew 4 Mascot to do a little hula dancing ...

We participated in what is known in the military as a "volunteer opportunity" when we were able to help the static display Buff get ready for its new paint job ... When we finished we got the chance to climb up inside which was kind of cool ... The static display is a "D" model so its a little different inside. Unfortunately they may never let another crew look inside cause Crew 4 tore that entry door right off its hinges ... sorry guys. Okay, that's not entirely true, that door was practically ready to fall off when we opened it. I still sort of feel bad though.

And that, as they say, is all folks. I did want to let everyone know that it looks like the 23 EBS will be out here for at least 3 weeks longer than originally expected. Sometime towards the end of January we should be making our way back home hopefully. To end this on a good note, here are a couple pictures I've received recently of Sydney and Tuff in Oklahoma ... Tuff, it seems, has started agility classes and has managed to not get kicked by the horses yet. Keep up the good work Red Dog ...

no update BUT ...

2006-10-16T23:35:00.000+10:00

Okay, so I have a few things to tell y'all about but I don't have the time right now. However, I think everyone should check this link out the next time you are searching for something on the net. Here is a quick description for ya ...

"Goodsearch (click me) is an Internet search engine with a simple concept and unique social mission. GoodSearch enables you to help fund any of hundreds of thousands of charities or schools through the simple act of searching the Internet."

... the link in case the one above doesn't work: http://www.goodsearch.com/

I swear I will write something worth your reading time. In the meantime, go do some internet searching.

PS ... Crew 4 Mascot is back and it is good ...

the disappearance of Crew 4 Mascot ...

2006-10-08T17:21:00.000+10:00

Good evening from Guam. I've been given a sobering view of the world today. A cruel world where even the most sacred pieces of a person's existence can be ripped from them. The beloved mascot and idol of Crew 4 has been kidnapped ... The abductor did not so much as leave a ransom note or anything. He was the "Good Health" king of house 52 and he is greatly missed by all who've ever had the pleasure of being in his company ... We have hope that Crew 4 Mascot will be returned safely to his home.

Crew 4 had a party last night. It started out as 6 dudes sittin around a grill but turned into this ... We had envisioned more of a block party but the weather didn't cooperate the way we would have liked. So that's it from Guam for now. The film loop pictures have been updated. Hope everyone is well. Please keep Crew 4 Mascot in your thoughts and prayers.

Once Upon a Night in Guam ...

2006-10-03T22:13:00.000+10:00

I think I am just going to make a blanket apology here that will cover the rest of the time that I am here in Guam and apply to whenever I go more than a week without updating. This particular blog will deal mostly with one particular night in Guam BUT before I get to that I'll give a small recap since the last update. Crew 4 got to fly twice last week which was awesome ... God only knows just how little I enjoy sitting at a desk for multiple hours a day. Wasn't that one of the main reasons I left my last job as a programmer? Whatever, we made another trip to the Chammoro Village. I do like the food there. The dancing was pretty similar to the first time we went. I was kind of hoping to see some people walking on fire. So far this week, there hasn't been a whole lot of excitement. We did make a trip over to the Naval Base to see where they assemble the mines we drop. That lasted for about an hour and then we headed over to what amounts to a Class 6 because we heard their beer selection was a hell of a lot better than pretty much anywhere else on the island. This is what our refrigerator looks like now ... This island may kill me.
I do have a link to an article discussing some of the things we've been doing while here in Guam. AND Crew 4 is inside the jet in the pictures you're going to see. Here is the link ... Koa Lightning sharpens B-52 aircrews' war fighting skills .
Okay so onto the fateful night in Guam. Ryan and I made a conscious decision this past week that we were going to take things a bit slower over the weekend. It started like any other, we headed over to the O'Club for Baron Fly. We had a couple of beers and things were good. Then Salty's promotion party started. Salty had the tab for all the beer. So, we did what any good crew dog would do, heck any good American, we drank Salty's beer. Its what he would have wanted. This went on for awhile, through the Hail and Farewell that followed the promotion party, for awhile ... At some point it was time to head home, change, and then out into the night. Unfortunately for house 55, I had already had quite a bit to drink. Without getting into all the details, banana was everywhere, people were covered in shaving cream (ruining Green T-Shirt Night), glass was broken (not my fault), and buckets of water were thrown. No I have no pictures. Then we went out. For those of you wondering, yes we had a sober driver. Ryan and I immediately broke off from the main group and headed over to Ball Scratchers to play pool. Fah, the sober guy, and Miyagi were with us for a little while. I'm not sure what time we got there or even what time we left but we played pool and we drank. And because it was country night at Ball Scratchers we listened to every song by both country bands they had on the jukebox about 300 times. Not an exaggeration. We played pool for a really long time and we played poorly ... again. Miyagi tried to get us to leave at some point and we probably should have listened. Eventually we left after ringing up quite a bill and headed to Ramen Corporate Headquarters. This is where it started to rain. And not just a little. And we looked like this, except there was no umbrella ... We hid underneath a tree for awhile and then ran some more. Eventually we made it to Ramen Corporate Headquarters, hammered and soaking wet. We sat down and ate our 6 dollar bowls of Ramen (believe me its worth it). At this point, the bad decision making probably should have stopped. I had heard the cab over to the base would only be about 10 to 15 dollars so we went looking for a cab out in the rain. Lets start by saying that I had 8 dollars and Ryan had 17. So we got into the cab and watched as the toll rose above ten dollars before leaving downtown. We had nowhere near enough cash to pay for this cab. Oh yeah, and this is about the point the cabbie told us he could drive us to the base but not ONTO the base ... awesome. So we stopped at an ATM and pulled out some money. The toll came to 60 dollars by the time we reached the base ... awesome again. So we figured we could probably make the walk home from here but no. The gate guards made what was probably the right decision and said they'd get us a courtesy ride home. Thats great, I just wish they would have driven a little faster. Right before our courtesy ride showed up, a van full guys from the squadron rolled up to the gate to find us standing there, hammered and soaking wet ... awesome yet again. I'm sure we'll never hear about this again. Okay, time to end this because I am tired. Talk to you soon.

7 Men and a Mascot ...

2006-09-24T14:13:00.000+10:00

Okay, so its been a few days since I've updated this thing. I apologize for that. This week started off in pretty much the usual way, picture Office Space, except with flight suits, all the way down to the Lumbergh character ... And if you don't know what I am talking about, WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T YOU SEEN OFFICE SPACE YET!?!?!?!? Okay, go watch it now, I'll wait ...
They did decide to let Crew 4 (plus a couple of augmentees) fly. Let me paint you a little picture: sardine can, 7 dudes (and Crew 4 Mascot), no real toilet, many many hours over the Pacific Ocean. At this point you might be thinking to yourself that this has all the elements of a disaster waiting to happen, but you would be wrong. We're crew dogs masquerading as professionals! Seriously though, we had a good flight and had a pretty good time too. And while I can't talk about the specifics, we accomplished the main objective of demonstrating a bomber presence in the Pacific. This was the first flight for Crew 4 Mascot who helped out with the navigation downstairs for awhile but then took the helm of the jet for a large portion of the flight ... Other pictures from the flight and the weekend have been added to the loop up top.
At some point the next day we landed and you would think that it would be time to rest and recooperate. Again, you would be wrong. Certain members of crew 4 found this the perfect opportunity to push the limits of their endurance and go out for wings and a couple of beers (or 26). Not to worry, it was on base, and everything within walking distance of the house. And then the weekend began ...
I have no new stories from the weekend, so I'll sum it up in a few words ... Friday, O'Club, Crud, downtown (someone decided we'd celebrate my birthday this weekend, bastards ...), Fish Bowl ... pool, assorted downtown establishments, Ramen Corporate Headquarters, home, sleep, Saturday, sleep, sleep, sleep, gym, Supertroopers, sleep, Sunday, 2 eggs over easy, flag football, and we'll see.

turning 30 ...

2006-09-18T23:56:00.000+10:00

So I turned 30 years old today. I half expected to wake up 50 pounds heavier, my hair having migrated to my back, and in serious need of a walker. Considering some of the physical abuse (and some of you know what I am talking about) I've taken over the last couple of weeks, the walker would not surprise me in the least. I woke up, however, more or less in the same physical condition I was the day before, still 140 lbs (since I was 14, good lord!), the hair still on my head, and well ... in need of a walker. Like most of us, life has definitely not turned out how I thought it would when I imagined myself at 18 or even 25. And thats not to say that its turned out bad, just different. I've learned a hell of a lot, both good and bad. I've made a lot of friends and lost some along the way as well. I've learned how to deal with many of the poor choices I've made and regrets I've acquired. I've gotten the chance to experience a ton of different things that when I really take the time to think about, they've all had a positive effect (hopefully I used the right one there) on me. That hasn't always been immediately obvious, sometimes it took years to realize but in the end everything seems to have turned out alright. And now here, at 30 ... I've got a great family, two awesome dogs who constantly drive me crazy (my parents know what thats all about, HAHA), 3 of the best friends I could have asked for, countless other very close friends that have made the days from start to finish bearable, a great job that has allowed me to work with some of the craziest, most intelligent, most talented people this planet has to offer, I live on a tropical island for the next 3 and a half months(you know that has been a real hardship if you've been following this blog at all), and some interesting possibilities for the future that I never expected but look forward to getting the chance to figure out. I guess really all I am saying is that these first 30 years have in no way been a disappointment and I can't wait to see what the next 30 have to offer. I'd still rather be 29 though :) ...

an introduction to Good vs Evil ...

2006-09-17T13:12:00.000+10:00

The blog very nearly ended this past week. We'll call the characters in this part of the story Good and Evil. Evil tried to convince me the things I've been saying, the things I've been doing have been wrong and attempted to make me feel guilty for the path I've chosen. Evil tried to take away my motivation. Then after a brief conversation, Good reminded me that there was reason for the blog, there was purpose to what I've been doing. I don't think Good realized how our conversation helped. Good even helped to show me my original vision for the blog didn't have to be quite so narrow. Thanks Good, whether you know or not that I'm talking about you, I appreciate it.
So moving along, we have a bit of a mystery on our hands. On Friday morning when I walked into work, I found Mr. Orange, my desktop buddy, impaled on my desk with one of the Skillcraft #2 Med pencils that sit in a cup to the left of my monitor ... I've already done some leg work in trying to identify Mr. Orange's killer but to no avail, everyone is remaining close lipped. And yes, that is a pirate hat Mr. Orange is wearing. So far our suspects are Salty, the crusty radar, who from day 1 has expressed a certain amount of disdain for Mr. Orange. Then there is the Comm Sgt who is always trying to convince me to clean up my desk. She also never appreciated Mr. Orange for what he was. And finally there is Jailbait. Jailbait doesn't really have a motive but may have committed the crime just because Mr. Orange, being that he has no arms, was somewhat defenseless. The suspect list has not yet been exhausted and there is still quite a bit of investigating to be done. Hopefully soon we will bring the killer to justice but in cases like this, you never know.
After work, we made our way to the Officers's Club for some drinks and a friendly game of Crud. We then headed off base for the usual, hit up a couple of bars, played some pool (poorly), and made sure we got into the usual amount of trouble ...
On Saturday we spent most of the day trying to recover. We went downtown and explored the mall a little bit. After a long nap a group of us went out to eat at a Korean restaurant. The food was pretty good. Made sure Crew 4 Mascot got his share of food ... Allen has been trying to convince us this whole time that just because he has a little Asian in him, he also has some sort of innate ninja skills and now I believe him. In case you're wondering, not only is he in the guy on the ceiling, he is also the guy taking this picture ... And now today is Sunday. We have been sitting around watching football most of the day waiting for flag football practice to start. Alright, that is all for now.

Every night is crew 4 fun night ...

2006-09-13T21:54:00.000+10:00

So today started off like every other day here in Guam ... hot, humid, and with two eggs over easy. I do like my eggs over easy. Anyway, spent most of the day at work staring at a computer. At some point Party Boy suggested the idea of going to the Chammoro Village for dinner. I had no idea what it meant, for some reason I was picturing little huts with people walking around in animal skins. It wasn't exactly like that. We finished off the day at the squadron and came back to the Crew 4 Flinstone House to find a broken air conditioner, something oozing from the bathtub drain, and the house smelling of ass, not good ... We tried to start the air conditioner back up, thought we might have and left for the Chammoro Village with our fingers crossed and praying for a miracle.
One thing I can tell you about Guam is that the driving is interesting. People seem to have an adverse reaction to the use of blinkers as "warnings of an impending lane change or turn". Not important, we eventually made it to the Village ... Travis said the Village was a lot like a flea market on steroids and thats probably the best way to describe it. Well, if the flea market on steroids also had pretty good food. Should have taken a picture of that. You always know the food is going to be quality when it comes on a stick. I acquired the new Crew 4 mascot ... he stands for "Good Health" according to the sticker on his back. And now I turn to you, my devoted readers, to help me think of an appropriate name for the Crew 4 mascot. Please submit your suggestions to me on here in the comments section, Myspace or through my email address. I do appreciate it. As we were walking through the Village, right in the middle was an out of place dance hall where inside about 20 fifty to sixty year olds were doing the electric slide ... I think the best part of the night was when we convinced Travis he needed to take a ride on the Village Carabough for the entertainment and good of the group. The group meaning the squadron because this picture will of course find its way into Baron Fly ... Now you would think with that out of that way, the night would be over, but you'd be wrong. No, nothing crazy happened! We did, however, get to watch some pretty cool local Guamanian dancing, Crew 4's culture for the week ... At that point it was time to come home. So now you're wondering if the air conditioner was working, or maybe somehow the oozing bathtup had magically decided to stop. Well, the house was warmer and more humid than when we left and definitely smellier. As for the bathtub, lets just say tomorrow's shower should be interesting. We did decide to call housing maintenance to let them know about the air conditioner expecting we'd get it fixed sometime tomorrow. We are, however, one of the most spoiled groups in the history of deployments because within 10 minutes the guy showed up to fix our air conditioner. And once again, the house is maintaining a comfortable 47 degress as it should be. To finish off the blog for tonight, here is a group picture of crew 4. From top left, clockwise, its me, Party Boy (Mike), Seth, Travis, and the giant head resting on Travis is Bluto (Chris) ...

September 10th

2006-09-10T14:05:00.000+10:00

First off, let me apologize for the lack of update to this thing. I think I may have to go to weekly updates unless everyone wants to hear about how I sit at a desk for 12 hours a day Monday through Friday. Now don't get me wrong, yeah I am at work a lot but somehow we seem to find trouble daily to involve ourselves in. We did get our first real flight here in Guam. Made sure I brought the Ipod and hooked it up to the interphone. And this is the important part, "Symphony of Destruction" by Megadeth was the first song playing as we rolled down the ramp to take off. I know Kent can appreciate it. There seems to be a lot of press these days about the B-52, everyone loves it. Speaking of, keep your eyes open for a possible Time Magazine article coming straight out of Guam and into your homes about the B-52, a little face time for the 23 EBS. To sum up the week, we had some barbecuing, head shaving (I'm still resisting this one), drinking, football game watching, house crashing, food stealing (from eachother), more drinking and then the weekend came. So we all piled into our clown car and got off base early enough to explore the main drag in Guam during the day light . We walked the strip for awhile dodging the occasional massage ninja that would appear as if from no where, greet us and try to convince us to come in for the "happy ending". Tactically very sophisticated, these massage ninjas would sometimes appear in groups. Fortunatley our group of nine was able to fight them off and eventually make it to the Marianas Trench, a Thai restaurant, for dinner. Here is a link to their website so you can be jealous ... Marianas Trench . The food was awesome, I had the Chicken and Beef combination Pad Thai. So awesome in fact I ended up eating my plate and Plinko's plate. After that we went to a couple of bars , drank a little, played some pool, and listened to the live band that was playing at Mac'n Marty's. The rest of the night was a bit of a blur but we did some serious karaoking at some point. Here is a picture of Nadz belting one out and then another of Sean doing his best Van Halen impression . Overall I would have to say we had a pretty good night. Unfortunately UT had to go and ruin it by losing to Ohio State this morning! Alright, so there is your weekly update as to the happenings here on tropical island Nowhere, Pacific Ocean. Let me know how you're all doing. Till the next time ...

Is it Day 5 or Day 6 ...

2006-09-03T08:51:00.000+10:00

Today is Sunday and I am a little hungover. Despite that, I got up early with the specific purpose of updating the previous blog with pictures. We finally went and explored Guam a little lastnight. Unfortunately (or maybe not) I forgot my camera at home and didn't take any pictures. We're here for 4 months though so there should be time for that. Anyway, Guam is really, really nice. We went to a few bars lastnight, "found" an awesome "souvenir" at one of the fine establishments we were at. Did anyone else know that Ramen Corporate Headquarters is located in Guam? We ate there at 1 o'clock in the morning (its open 24 hours a day). And of course they, for the most part, only serve soup. Its pretty good but the noodles are a lot sweeter than you'd get in the 15 cent packages you'd buy at your local grocery store. I bought a bike for forty bucks yesterday which is awesome! I'll have to get a picture of that too. We made it out to one of the beaches yesterday, Tarague Beach. It is gorgeous. We had to turn our van into a clown car due to the number of people we took so Nadz had to sit in the very back ... Plus with Super Typhoon Ioke out there somewhere, the waves it is creating are enormous. You can't really tell from this picture but they were. Anyway, things here are obviously going well. I hope everyone is good, I miss you all, and hopefully will hear from you soon ...

Groundhog Day ...

2006-08-31T19:05:00.000+10:00

As promised, an update with pictures. This is me waiting for Left-Eye to pick me up in Blue Steel. A cautionary word about Blue Steel ... this car's wheels somehow move independently of the rest of the vehicle. Fortunately its a great car to leave out in a parking lot through the Minot winter. Unfortunately its now a permanent fixture in the parking lot at work. So we got up a second time to do the same mission all over again, hoping we wouldn't have the same problems as the day prior. We took off and many many hours later found ourselves in Guam. Unfortunatley Super Typhoon Ioke never showed. I was hoping to get a picture. It was an eventful flight though: we ate like kings and had "Snakes on a Plane"This is a picture of Nick downstairs fighting off one of the many cobras which had come to infest the offensive compartent of the plane. This snake in particular caused us many issues and came to be known as Cobra Commander. He's been leaving me little notes on my computer at work since we arrived. I also sounded like an ass more times than I can count with San Francisco Center, played Super Mario 2 on the Crazy 11, and tried in vain to sleep. I got a cool picture of our #2 jet getting refueled by a KC-10.
When I woke up this morning (Thursday) and turned on ESPN, the Yankees and Tigers were playing, the Yankees had just gone up 3-2. I quickly realized this game was happening in real time ... lastnight, if that makes any sense. I lost a whole day in the last 3 weeks of my twenties flying to Guam. Here is a picture of the house crew 4 will be living in for the next 4 months. I know what you're thinking and yes it does look like a Flintstone house. We went to briefings all day and now I am in the chow hall thanking God for WiFi connections. Till next time ...

The day that should have been ...

2006-08-29T11:36:00.000+10:00

So today started off with the words "interesting situation" and "super typhoon" being uttered in the same sentence. We should be on our way to Guam right now or at least dodging Super Typhoon Ioki somewhere over the Pacific, instead I am sitting in my house in Minot, washing the only 3 articles of clothing I have left (everything else is still with the jet) so I don't have to be dirty for many hours in the plane tomorrow. Why you might ask, did we have to come back to Minot? Couldn't we have diverted to Hawaii or even Fairchild in Washington? The answer to this question is yes, we could have diverted to either location. The answer to the other question isn't important, just understand that circumstances beyond our control (for example, tankers not showing up to the refueling point) forced us to come home. And yes, we are going to attempt our flight again tomorrow. So the highlight for today was the bat couple we found living in the bomb bay before we took off this morning. Fortunately I had my camera, as every good navigator should, and got the picture.
If we end up finding ourselves back in Minot again tomorrow, I will update everyone here. If, however, by some miracle we make it to Guam I'll update this as soon as I get internet service. Till the next time, take care ...

Day Before ...

2006-08-28T11:37:00.000+10:00

Okay, so for those of you who visit early, know you have come to the right place. This is Richard's Guam Adventures Blog. Tonight is Sunday, the 27th, the night before we leave and I am still crazy busy trying to get everything ready to go. And why am I still so busy? Because I am a procrastinator, thats why! Anyway, keep checking back here regularly. Once I am all set up in Guam, I'll be posting here often.